Blog #5

It was a dark night, one of many these past few months. I awoke without feeling once again. My duties called and I had to go through the motions. People kept telling me it is what she would have wanted me to do. I put on my uniform. Was it a uniform that stood for a license to kill? That was what it seemed to be lately. As I step through the doors I find I can only label myself as a murderer. For that is what I felt like every since it happened. People said it wasn’t my fault, but her life was in my hands. She trusted me and I betrayed her. She was vulnerable and with a weapon in my hand I destroyed her whole existence, and mine as well. There is no point for me to be here. Why would someone want me to be here when all I can do is harm. The light does not shine as bright as it once did and all the voices are muffled. The man I go to see every day stares too hard. He says he understands but I know they want me to see him because they need to make sure I won’t kill someone again. And yet, they still keep me here, without feeling.

Ok so I tried my best! I know it is depressing…but if you don’t know, I am portraying some kind of doctor that has guilt about “killing” someone she cared about (sister, mom, friend) during an operation and she feels forever guilty about it…and well, now I think the doctor is insane…..so there it is! J